Everyone changes, it’s only natural. But experiencing someone else change, morph into a foreigner, a stranger? It’s difficult, to say the least.
Her hair is greying, but that is nature. Her spirit is broken, and that is what kills me. She looks weary and tired. With a grim frown engraved on her face, she walks around, carrying the weight of the world on two frail shoulders. I don’t know this woman, marked by wrinkles of sorrow. She smiles with her mouth, an empty dumb grin that doesn’t touch the rest of her face. She is tired, no longer attentive. She tries to find joy, to cling to those memories of a better time. But the bitterness of reality looms over her. I can understand. It’s only natural to get tired. I still love her, i always will. But as the passion seeps away from her beautiful eyes, as she becomes more and more an empty shell, i can’t help but wonder what sort of evil she has done to deserve this. I can’t help by wither away with her, accepting apathy into my life with arms wide open.
Lying. I do it everyday. To virtually everyone but my cat.
Denial. I’m drowning in it.
Fucking giant moose. And trying to convince myself that i didn’t want one.
Chemistry. Whyyyyy did i want to take the class?
Being a brainy bitch. Sarcasm is my friend. My only friend.
This. Getting all pissed off and venting on Tumblr.
The truth. And the way it hits you, slaps you, mocks, and taunts you. Or at least, it does all that to me.
That cold sinking feeling that no one gets you. And that it might be more than just cliche teenage hormones speaking.
So I just made soup. Anddd it was amazing and delicious and just wow.
But this post isn’t so much about soup as it is about…drama. And my recent melt down. Caused by that drama. I’m just so sick of fake people. Seriously, it’s disgusting. Backstabbers are everywhere and it’s just devastating. To think that I almost broke away from one, just to get trapped once again? That makes me want to cry. I realize as a teenager I’ll be going through a lot of woes and I’ll be angsty for the majority of each and every day. But trying to deal with all this shit, pardon my language, is just getting boring.
I’m exhausted as it is. I’m taking 7 classes all but 2 of which are, naturally, advanced, I pant from the 2 minute walk to the house from the bus stop, I drift into a haze each time I’m not entertained (in a non-normal way)…how much more am I expected to take? At least I had a lovely green smoothie and that cheered me up. Knowing I’m not trashing my insides makes me feel good on the outside. Somewhat.